TV's top entertainers devoted the airtime mocking former President Donald Trump's recently announced visa initiative, called the "Trump card," describing it as a clear cash-for-residency system for the wealthy.
Colbert's Sarcastic Take
Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert offered a mock Christmas tune targeting the president. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, before handing that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... spoils everything he touches."
The subject was the controversial plan which allows foreign nationals to acquire U.S. residency for the price of $1 million dollars, or "platinum" tier for $5 million. A government website pledges processing "in record time."
"A quick thought here to wealthy foreigners: before you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.
He pointed out that the program is also designed to "extract cash" from businesses wishing to hire skilled workers, with significant payments. "That is a lot of fees, though if you register, you additionally get free accommodation at a property of your choosing – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he said.
"The most thorough background check the government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these people absolutely qualify to be in America."
"That's important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast
On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."
"It's a card that will let wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your selection."
"It might be time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.
Kimmel lampooned the lack of detail of the form, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."
"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers discussing Economic Concerns
On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging poll ratings during financial anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term because they were upset about the economy," he noted.
This week, in a effort to tackle prices, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, where he behaved strangely to boxes of cereal.
"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."
"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"
Meyers finished by criticizing right-leaning news arguments of Trump's economic performance. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he laughed.
